I'm a deep sleeper. A number of things that I have slept through are:

- a hurricane.
- a gas leak.
- an earthquake.
- drunken people attacking my door at 4 in the morning
- a dog licking my face and smacking me around
- a cat scratching my face and smacking me around
- my AP Biology test. (well not so much "through" as "at one point, I put my head down and took a nap, then woke up and finished" but still; I got awesome grades on it, so I just want to brag about it here)
- the JFK assasination (ok, this one might not be true)


... I'm starting to sense a pattern here. And that is that people really like to screw with me when I'm asleep. I mean, I've got mother nature, society, technology, the animal kingdom... Hell, even academia is being represented here. I'm starting to think that whenever my eyelids start to weigh heavy upon my eyes that everyone around me just starts grinning in anticipation.

And I can't exactly stop them. I mean, I've never been a very good sleepwalker... mainly because I've never been a really good "walker" in general. And the only time that I've woken up with a knife in my hand covered in red stuff was when I fell asleep making a sandwich. A sandwich that was apparently stolen from me. And then had the ketchupy contents of it spilled all over me.
It's really getting out of hand when not only does the entire universe seem to threaten my life when I'm asleep, but now they're taking my food!? I have to think of some kind of self-defense against these atroctities.

So that, ladies and gentleman, is why I still wet the bed.

So I'm sitting at a bus stop, incidentally waiting for a bus, when a bully approaches. Now, this isn't a "I'm actually just a really fat 10 year old" bully or a "In 10 years, your tax dollars will be paying for my sedatives" bully. This is the worst kind of bully there is.

A yellow jacket.

The thing lands on my pant leg, and starts wandering around the landscape known as my flesh. I try shooing it, but to no avail. After all, "getting stung by a bug" wasn't exactly high on my to-do list today, so all I really could do was try to picture myself in a happy place as if I were some stripper getting felt up by a big guy named Tony. Not that I know how that feels or anything, or that I frequently frequent strip clubs to proclaim my love for Cupcake but... ok, back on topic.

Eventually, the little bugger starts climbing into my pocket. This is where I draw the line. This little thing hasn't even bought me dinner, and he's trying to slide into third base. That doesn't fly, bucko. I'm not about to let myself get abused by something named after tacky clothing! If I didn't do something now, what was next? Getting pushed around by polkadot pantaloons? Having to give my lunch money over to spandex stockings!? I had to stop this, and I knew that there was only one way to do it.

I began rocking my waist back and forth, while thrusting my right hand into my other pocket to protect my manhood from eventual stinging.



... Consequently, "Why yes Sir, there is a bee in my pants... and I'm happy to see you." is not the best way to greet your bus driver.

I'm telling you, I'm starting to notice something about this "cell phone" fad.

And that fact is that people are completely unaware that the modern day phonebooth no longer comes with... well, a private booth.

I mean, forget that whole 1984-esque "Big Brother" vibe that all of us have been getting from this eve of technology. Instead of eating donuts and making deadpan comments about very brutal murders (Don't play dumb with me! I've seen their television shows!), they really just need to start walking around. I honestly can't tell you how many times I've been walking around, minding my own business, when the girl next to me is yakking on her phone how she drained the body of blood in her tub and cut the body in pieces so she could put it in her incinerator.

Or that she has herpes. So to a police officer, this clearly screams homicide and possible prostitution.



To me of course, it screams "single" and "knows how to do stuff."

So I'm really getting into this whole fad of "t-shirts that say stuff." Like, seeing Chuck Norris jokes for the billionth time on a t-shirt seem a lot funnier than when I saw them on the internet. But the other day, I saw someone with a t-shirt that said, "Stop reading my t-shirt!" Not knowing how to feel about this, I stopped and stared at him. Y'know, just in case I needed to make the situation more awkward.

But it's lead me to wanting to make my own t-shirt that simply says, "Eyes up here bud." While not being as pretensious as the previous shirt, it retains all the comedy and flair nonetheless. It's poignant and makes a joke about something we've all experienced. It would show a common ground between pretty and "pretty ugly" people alike that have felt that their personalities have been completely shirked because of their appearences. It would be a rallying point for a more equal world where the adage "beauty is only skin-deep" is no longer a saying, but a fundamental law.



... Plus, it would totally make a killing with the "fat boys with man boobs" community.

Yeah... here we are again. After taking a large part of the summer off, I've got an insane backlog. I mean, I've never sat on this many comics before. It's pretty awesome. It's like if they made a natural growth enhancement pill for comics, I'd be that guy with the really big smile and the freaky wife.


Oh yeah, and it's probably good for you guys because it means I really don't have a reason not to update. Or something.

Well, here I am, nearly one and a half months later. And all I've got to show for it is an awesome show, good grades, another semester of college completed, and a Part 141 Private Pilot's License. (that numbered part isn't interesting to people outside of the aviation business, don't worry) How "lame."

Now, I'm hoping to begin a summer schedule of updating -- you'll see what I mean tommorow morning. Hopefully, it won't end in too many tears...

Today's comic does 2 different things. (I hope) First, it's a nod to #34's last panel and the whole "Protoman is talking" gag. Second, it shows Protoman as being a badass... but with a heart of gold. Because seriously; in this PC day and age, every badass is required to donate money that he beat out of someone to orphans. It's like, a U.N. resolution or something.

Anyway, as some of you can see, I haven't updated very regularly. This is mainly for 4 reasons:

1) I'm taking 18 credits worth of class this semester. While only a 3 credit difference between what I took last semester, it's coupled with...
2) I'm trying desperately to finish my Private Pilot license lessons. Without getting too detailed, let's just say that this eats up a lotta time.
3) I'm in a show right now; while I don't have a big part, as the opening night starts rearing its ugly head, it's slowly eating away whatever free time I may have had.
4) I'm in the middle of transfering schools. The story behind this kind of goes along with #2, but for a very large part of this semester, I've had to run around frantically trying to get everything arranged, sent, and written just the right way. If anyone makes a "p's and q's" joke, I'll have no problem pleading "guilty and loving it!" at the subsequent murder trial.

So there you have it. It's pretty much all coming to a head soon, so I'll eventually be able to update as regularly as I'd like to. (twice a day, optimumally, until I finish off my 300 comic strip polishings) So now, um... 'nuff said? Bye for now? If you ever need me, blow this whistle?

... I've never been good at finding the right ending catchphrase.

Well, it's great to be back. I'm sorry that it took me so long to update again, but between all 3 parts of a Stage Exam (it's... an aviation major thing, so I don't expect anyone to get it), typical homework, not so typical running around getting everything together for transfering colleges, and much-needed relaxing and social activities, I really didn't have any time for this. But needless to say, those are all behind me, (especially having that whole "social life") and this should continue being regularly updated once more.